My Decision.

It took a long time to happen. And actually I had to do it twice, about 3 years apart. Several things were not right and I was avoiding thinking about them. I kept having to buy bigger-sized clothes. My back almost always hurt. My knees and back were stiff. And I waddled when I walked. I hated that. I always thought to myself that it was really sad to see fat people waddle. "I would never let myself get that way," is what I thought.

I went to a convention where I would get to see a celebrity that I have admired for 35 years. I wore khaki pants and a light gray t-shirt. I was having a good time and harboring the thought that I might just get to meet him. It was exciting! Then I was in the restroom and saw my reflection in the mirror. I was surprised. Disappointed. I thought how awful I looked. Suddenly I didn't want to meet the celebrity; I didn't want to meet anyone. It was disheartening.

I started thinking somehow I had to fix this. Every couple days I would 'start' a diet. It would last 2 days, 1 day, sometimes not even to the second meal of the first day. One failure after another. Then I hurt my arm and had to see my doctor. He had once before told me he would not harp on my weight, unless it started causing other problems but if I wanted to do something about it, he would be most glad to help. So when I saw him, I told him I wanted to lose weight. He gave me information and a prescription for Xenical. He said he liked it for his patients because it reacted with the food and was not something that interfered with my brain chemicals. So I began a very low fat diet with the pills. I could only afford one month, but after that month, I had enough routine I could still keep going on the diet. Then I started getting gall bladder attacks. One day at work I had an attack right after lunch and then another one before I left. The second one never subsided. I had to go to the emergency room for pain medication. Within a week I was scheduled for surgery.

The next day I was hungry. I thought, "Hey, I'm sick so I can pamper myself for a day and eat whatever I want." So I did. Over the next two weeks, I pampered myself a lot. By the end of the third week, I was back to all my old eating habits. The low-fat food was all gone and so were any ideas to go back to eating better. And besides, all my life I have been eating like this and never got sick. And the one time I seriously try to fix it, I end up sick and having surgery. So why bother?

Two years later, more weight than ever. More aches, more pain, stiffness. And I can't get comfortable whether I am standing, sitting, lying down, or sleeping. And when I get home, I stay home. I have not gone out with friends in longer than I can remember. Nobody wants to see a fat woman anyway. So I did everything I had to do and whatever else anyone expected me to do to carry on. I helped other people, I took care of neighbors and co-workers. Whatever would seem normal. Even though I wasn't. Wasn't normal. Wasn't happy. Wasn't anything good.

When I started buying men's clothing that was 3X, I knew it was too much. Somehow I had to figure out how to lose weight. I was ashamed to think I had to wear men's 3X. I was ashamed for anyone to see me. I kept wishing I would fix it, but I couldn't. Wishing doesn't work. And my back was getting worse. Seemed I had answers for everyone else's problems and needs but mine. I knew it was time for something to happen.

Then at work, we were offered a corporate discount to join a fitness club. I thought I would at least hear the offer and if it wasn't too much, try it for awhile. I had to do something. I went ahead and joined because they said a trainer would work with me to get me started. I figured I could listen and apply what seemed appropriate. So I met Dan, the personal trainer. We started working on physical things, then began on eating and food things, including vitamins and supplements. More things than I expected. Way more. Some things I didn't do. I just coasted along only doing what I knew Dan would see.

Then I realized how much more I needed to do, why so many things were involved. It is deciding how I want to live my life. It is not just eating. It is not just walking around the block once a week. It is not blaming my genes. It is not a slow metabolism or thyroid. It isn't anything except me making decisions. Me. Not Dan. Not Mom. Not anybody but me. My decisions, my actions, my choices. It took me a couple weeks of hearing Dan talk like this before I really heard his words, before it sunk in that I am the one who has to do it and more importantly, that I can. I CAN. Two of the most wonderful words in the world. "I can." It is all in my power to do it. I don't need anyone's permission. I don't have to wait on anyone else's agreement. I don't have to compromise. I can. And I will. I choose to do it. I choose. Dan gives people information and tools to have a better body. It is based in nutrition and physical activity. But I find the reality of what he teaches applies to life. He is teaching about making decisions, being responsible for yourself, and learning just how far you can go.

You can have success too! Telephone (615) 442-7700 today!